❤️🩹 Parental alienation perspective shift
Maybe there’s hope that stepkids can heal from alienation after all.
Starry Night is arguably one of the most recognizable paintings of all time. Van Gogh’s evocative night sky scene has been recreated on everything from posters and T-shirts to little mint tins in art gallery gift shops. (I even have some Starry Night washi tape.)
It’s such a familiar image that most of us don’t think much about it — our eyes just skip right past. We’ve seen it a million times. No biggie.
Then I learned that Starry Night is the view Van Gogh saw from his sanitarium window — the asylum where he checked himself in because his mental instability terrified him and he hoped the doctors there could heal him. That night sky scene was an interpretation of what he was able to glimpse through the literal bars on his window, as well as the metaphorical bars in his mind.
For me, knowing that transformed Starry Night from a kinda cool painting into whoa. It’s not just some night landscape painting; it’s a statement of stubborn optimism. Van Gogh’s insistence — even to himself — that he could still see beauty. Could still believe in hope. Despite everything. Even right smack in the middle of his lowest, darkest point.
Parental alienation is the most “dark night of the soul” challenge we faced in our blended family.
I didn’t ever check myself into a sanitarium, although I definitely felt qualified for one. My mental health was shattered, my emotional health depleted. As much as I wanted to believe there was hope for us as a family, I wasn’t sure if I did believe that anymore. And if you can’t hold out that hope... well, what’s even the point? What are we even doing??
Then a book called Adult Children of Parental Alienation by Dr. Amy Baker changed my perspective. Helped me see that parental alienation — and the eventual healing after the alienation — isn’t just the long game; it’s the long long long game.
Over time, I did find hope again. And over time, our family did heal and we did find our way out of that dark night of the soul.
Parental alienation is a painful topic that’s still discussed far too little considering just how many stepfamilies are impacted. If you’re carrying the weight of alienation, I want you to know I’ve been there, and I see you.
And if you need extra support, we have resources to help you! I’ll add a list after the post to get you started, but also feel free to DM me and I’m happy to share whatever I think might help your family the most depending on the particulars of your situation.
Because your number one tool to protect yourself and your family from alienation is education. Know what you’re up against. Know how to fight it. And know how not to fight it, too.
Sending extra love today and every day to those of you living with alienation that feels unsurvivable. I’ve been there, and it sucks.
🧡🧡
— Maarit.
