Thanks, fairly new to this after having only just moved in together but feel our relationship takes a back seat when my partners boys are over and the usual affection is minimal. His boys fight for his attention particularly the youngest who demands his every bit of attention
That's very common, although I know that doesn't make it easier. Its tough getting used to having a different relationship vibe when the kids are present vs. not present. Once you know it's a pattern, you can adjust expectations somewhat, like plan on doing more you-time things on kid weeks, or scheduling stuff with friends. But less affection/attention isn't the same as *zero* relationship time when the boys are there -- you don't want to feel like you need to disappear on kid weeks.
What ended up helping me on kid weeks was a combo of more friend time, more self time, and then making sure I planned a couple family activities that I enjoyed and wanted to participate in. (As in, not just attending yet another soccer game.) Finding the ways that YOU can contribute is really grounding in learning how you fit in this new future.
Somewhere in there too though, your partner does need to let the kids know that you also are important in his life and you also deserve time & attention & to take up space. He needs to work on finding that balance for himself, and those old habits can be tough to turn around after getting used to being a single parent. It'll take time for all of you.
Thanks, fairly new to this after having only just moved in together but feel our relationship takes a back seat when my partners boys are over and the usual affection is minimal. His boys fight for his attention particularly the youngest who demands his every bit of attention
That's very common, although I know that doesn't make it easier. Its tough getting used to having a different relationship vibe when the kids are present vs. not present. Once you know it's a pattern, you can adjust expectations somewhat, like plan on doing more you-time things on kid weeks, or scheduling stuff with friends. But less affection/attention isn't the same as *zero* relationship time when the boys are there -- you don't want to feel like you need to disappear on kid weeks.
What ended up helping me on kid weeks was a combo of more friend time, more self time, and then making sure I planned a couple family activities that I enjoyed and wanted to participate in. (As in, not just attending yet another soccer game.) Finding the ways that YOU can contribute is really grounding in learning how you fit in this new future.
Somewhere in there too though, your partner does need to let the kids know that you also are important in his life and you also deserve time & attention & to take up space. He needs to work on finding that balance for himself, and those old habits can be tough to turn around after getting used to being a single parent. It'll take time for all of you.
Hope this helps! xo