In 2025 I'm going to try disengaging from time to time. I do not mean giving up. I mean continuing to support my partner and our children while also taking time for myself. I would like to play sport, catch up with friends, garden and to travel.
My partner's former partner and the biological father of our three children is a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling and coercive man who enjoys high conflict. We've spent years trying to communicate, compromise and negotiate. Nothing worked and we ended up in the Family Court for the best part of four years. The result of the family court experience was very good for the children but the process was awful. The family court system is terrible but we did get a result. And, even after we've all been through, my partner's former partner's behaviour has not changed one bit. The quote “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” sums up the situation.
Our three children are doing relatively well. Unfortunately, the eldest teenager has been exposed to her biological father's terrible behaviour the longest. She is brainwashed to a degree and this is sad. But, she plays sports, engages with friends and continues to try at school. Our middle teenager has autism and ADHD. Some days for her are very hard. And, therefore, for us. But, she also tries. She goes for long walks, she takes her medication when reminded, sporadically engages with friends and while she only attends school on a limited basis, she does apply herself to getting solid grades. Our youngest child never stops trying and I really do not think I could ask for more. He is polite (most of the time!), kind, incredibly resilient and engages in school, sports, extra curricular activities and leadership positions at his school.
So, in 2025 I'm going to disengage from time to time because there is only so much I can do. I certainly cannot "fix" everything in this high conflict step-parenting situation. But, I will always provide shelter, security, reliability, opportunity and love for our three children.
Maarit and Dan,
Please keep doing what you're doing. It helps immensely. Please continue sharing your high conflict step-parenting experiences and stories. The difference between high conflict step-parenting and "regular (rational/logical)" step-parenting experiences and advice is enormous. Please continue to encourage other people to share their experiences via your website, email, chat etc. I struggle to put into words (because I get emotional) how much knowing that I'm not alone and knowing that my partner and I are not alone helps. I'm even getting emotional typing this. But, please know that it helps so much.
Thank you so much, Ben. I appreciate your kind words, and I hope things stay on an upward trend for you & your family. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself this is only one chapter. Let me know if you need any tips or support as you start disengaging more this year! xoxo
In 2025 I'm going to try disengaging from time to time. I do not mean giving up. I mean continuing to support my partner and our children while also taking time for myself. I would like to play sport, catch up with friends, garden and to travel.
My partner's former partner and the biological father of our three children is a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling and coercive man who enjoys high conflict. We've spent years trying to communicate, compromise and negotiate. Nothing worked and we ended up in the Family Court for the best part of four years. The result of the family court experience was very good for the children but the process was awful. The family court system is terrible but we did get a result. And, even after we've all been through, my partner's former partner's behaviour has not changed one bit. The quote “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” sums up the situation.
Our three children are doing relatively well. Unfortunately, the eldest teenager has been exposed to her biological father's terrible behaviour the longest. She is brainwashed to a degree and this is sad. But, she plays sports, engages with friends and continues to try at school. Our middle teenager has autism and ADHD. Some days for her are very hard. And, therefore, for us. But, she also tries. She goes for long walks, she takes her medication when reminded, sporadically engages with friends and while she only attends school on a limited basis, she does apply herself to getting solid grades. Our youngest child never stops trying and I really do not think I could ask for more. He is polite (most of the time!), kind, incredibly resilient and engages in school, sports, extra curricular activities and leadership positions at his school.
So, in 2025 I'm going to disengage from time to time because there is only so much I can do. I certainly cannot "fix" everything in this high conflict step-parenting situation. But, I will always provide shelter, security, reliability, opportunity and love for our three children.
Maarit and Dan,
Please keep doing what you're doing. It helps immensely. Please continue sharing your high conflict step-parenting experiences and stories. The difference between high conflict step-parenting and "regular (rational/logical)" step-parenting experiences and advice is enormous. Please continue to encourage other people to share their experiences via your website, email, chat etc. I struggle to put into words (because I get emotional) how much knowing that I'm not alone and knowing that my partner and I are not alone helps. I'm even getting emotional typing this. But, please know that it helps so much.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Ben. I appreciate your kind words, and I hope things stay on an upward trend for you & your family. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself this is only one chapter. Let me know if you need any tips or support as you start disengaging more this year! xoxo