💗 Let’s make stepparenting better in 2025
But first, let’s take time to recover from the holidays.
While the rest of the world right now is all “GO GO GO!!” about resolutions and fresh starts and goal-crushing, most of us stepparents are over here like “Omg the holidays are finally over. 😅 😩 Can we just sleep now??”
Yep. You sure can. In fact, I encourage you to collapse and chill for a bit.
Because despite the hustle & bustle & glitz & glamor of the holidays, Mother Nature reminds us that winter is actually a season of rest. Bears hibernate. Lakes freeze over. Trees stand quiet and bare.
This isn’t a season for go go go; it’s a time for recovery and recharge.
So instead of rushing headlong into overhauling yourself or your stepfamily, maybe just… take a minute. Breathe. Enjoy a long walk. Light a candle.
Take time to think — to really think — about what you want to invite into your world in 2025. What would make your life better and easier?
And then hit reply (or leave a comment on this post) and let me know if Dan & I can help. How can we best support you & your stepfam in getting to a place of greater stability and less stress? We’d love to hear.
Sending you plenty of peaceful healing and restful vibes as we enter the new year. Here’s to a better 2025 for us all. 🥂
🧡🧡
— Maarit.
PS - If you’re not a rest & recharge kinda person and wanna dive right into fixing some shiz instead, you can start by catching up with these. ⬇️ ⬇️
MOST-LOVED POSTS OF 2024:
🚩 Blended family red flags
The biggest challenge in spotting red flags within your blended family is that none of us really know what counts as “normal” for stepfamily life. When there’s a steep learning curve in every direction, it’s practically impossible to see the big picture. So here's a handy dandy list to get you started! xo
The 3 phases (& 7 stages) of blending your family
For most stepfamilies, the process of becoming blended is not an easy one. At the very least, the experience of blending a family is typically much different from what any of us expected — parent, stepparent, and stepkid alike. This guide covers the 3 phases of blending your family, according to experts in the field. xo
🛟 STEPPARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE
Becoming a stepparent is not for the faint of heart. What we need most of all is support, not judgement — including more support and less judgement toward ourselves. So with that in mind, here’s 8 foundational stepparenting tips I wish I’d known back at the beginning of this roller coaster ride. xo
MOST-LOVED DEEP-DIVE RESOURCES OF 2024:
How to Actually Blend: The Missing Instruction Manual for Stepcouples
Dan & I created this guide covering 9 critical basics to — and we mean this in the most loving way — help both you and your partner pull your heads out of your butts, get on the same page about your relationship and the kids, and blend your stepfamily with less friction and stress along the way. 🙌🏼
With love, from a stepcouple who's been exactly where you are. xo
Not Your Circus, Not Your Monkeys [ebook]
![Not Your Circus, Not Your Monkeys [ebook]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_280,h_280,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2a13284d-0408-467f-be14-389a5d049121_900x630.png)
I've been a stepmom now for over a dozen years. I've spent more than half that time researching disengaging and non-attachment and becoming a better mama and stepmama for it — and really, a happier human.
This downloadable ebook includes exactly everything I've learned along the way in the hopes that my many miserable years can help shorten someone else's steep learning curve. Here's hoping that someone is you! xo
17 Coping Tips for Managing Overwhelming Stepparenting Emotions
I used to think I was the only stepparent who struggled in this role. Which also made me feel like the worst human ever. But after many years of talking to thousands of stepparents, turns out it's super normal for stepparenting to be harder than you expected.
This list of coping tips for emotional overwhelm includes many of the practices I used myself to get my head above water again. xo
In 2025 I'm going to try disengaging from time to time. I do not mean giving up. I mean continuing to support my partner and our children while also taking time for myself. I would like to play sport, catch up with friends, garden and to travel.
My partner's former partner and the biological father of our three children is a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling and coercive man who enjoys high conflict. We've spent years trying to communicate, compromise and negotiate. Nothing worked and we ended up in the Family Court for the best part of four years. The result of the family court experience was very good for the children but the process was awful. The family court system is terrible but we did get a result. And, even after we've all been through, my partner's former partner's behaviour has not changed one bit. The quote “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” sums up the situation.
Our three children are doing relatively well. Unfortunately, the eldest teenager has been exposed to her biological father's terrible behaviour the longest. She is brainwashed to a degree and this is sad. But, she plays sports, engages with friends and continues to try at school. Our middle teenager has autism and ADHD. Some days for her are very hard. And, therefore, for us. But, she also tries. She goes for long walks, she takes her medication when reminded, sporadically engages with friends and while she only attends school on a limited basis, she does apply herself to getting solid grades. Our youngest child never stops trying and I really do not think I could ask for more. He is polite (most of the time!), kind, incredibly resilient and engages in school, sports, extra curricular activities and leadership positions at his school.
So, in 2025 I'm going to disengage from time to time because there is only so much I can do. I certainly cannot "fix" everything in this high conflict step-parenting situation. But, I will always provide shelter, security, reliability, opportunity and love for our three children.
Maarit and Dan,
Please keep doing what you're doing. It helps immensely. Please continue sharing your high conflict step-parenting experiences and stories. The difference between high conflict step-parenting and "regular (rational/logical)" step-parenting experiences and advice is enormous. Please continue to encourage other people to share their experiences via your website, email, chat etc. I struggle to put into words (because I get emotional) how much knowing that I'm not alone and knowing that my partner and I are not alone helps. I'm even getting emotional typing this. But, please know that it helps so much.
Thank you.