Stepparenting in a nutshell reads like one long list of confusing contradictions. You’re supposed to be involved, but not so much so you’re overstepping. You need to give your stepkids space, but not so much that it seems like you don’t care. You need to be realistic about the role you’re taking on as a stepparent, yet optimistic enough to keep on truckin’ when the road gets dicey.
And along the way, you’ll also feel powerless over the crap you can't change — which is pretty much everything. You'll feel like your partner's kids don't want you around — and you might be right. You'll feel compelled to defend your choices to everyone from your mom to your partner's ex to strangers on the street. ("They're just my boyfriend's kids, I swear! I had nothing to do with their upbringing!")
In short, as a stepparent, you’re accomplishing impossible, superhuman feats on the daily, and just about every decision you make feels counterintuitive and upside-down. So don't beat yourself up too much for thinking this shit is hard. It feels hard because it's hard.
If you’d love to shorten your learning curve a little, go read my free stepparenting survival guide. It’s a great place to start getting clear about this oftentimes mystifying role:
And if you’d love some extra support along the way, we have a private chatroom for paid subscribers where you can connect with other stepparents who get it, along with a ton of resources to help get you sorted. We’d love to have you. xo
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