😫 How to survive stepparenting stress
Some tips for any stepparent who feels like their brain is melting from massive overwhelm.
By the time I hit Year 5 of stepparenting, I was in counseling for agoraphobia and c-PTSD. My counselor wrote me a prescription for Xanax, which I did not want to take.
“You’re so burned out that your brain has forgotten how to relax,” she explained. “Taking the medication reminds your brain what being relaxed feels like. Then the next time when you’re trying to calm down on your own without the meds, your brain remembers and you can get back to that place easier.”
And damned if that didn’t work.
The takeaway here isn’t that every stepparent needs Xanax (… or do we? 🤨) but rather that our brains, under the unpredictable onslaught of adrenaline-triggering events that defines stepparenting in high conflict, have probably forgotten what “relaxed” feels like.
Because while there are days of less stress as a stepparent, there are no true stress-free days. It’s like we’re living in slow-cooker stress stew set to a low simmer at all times.
So how do we de-stress?
What worked for me wasn’t a grand gesture, like getting a massage or taking a vacation. Instead, I focused on creating structure and predictability where I could and learned how to let go of what I couldn’t control. I practiced small, frequent de-stressing activities like daily gratitude and long dog walks.
Over time, I reminded my brain and my body what relaxed felt like.
We can’t completely prevent grey skies. But if we pierce the storm clouds with enough bits of sunlight, at least we can break through enough to see a blue sky from time to time. And in doing so, we can make room for joy to shine through again.
Then, having felt that light, it’ll be easier to get back there the next time.
🧡🧡
— Maarit.
PS - What’s your go-to de-stress practice? Leave a comment if you wanna share — I’d love to hear it, and you’d be helping other stressed-out stepparents too!