💝 Self-care for stepparents
Please drop everything else like a hot potato and put your own oxygen mask on first.
Much like stepparenting itself, self-care doesn’t always look they way we think it will. Or should.
Starting with our (false) belief that we shouldn’t need to take a break from our stepkids or our partners — we’re committed, so we should be able to power through. Right??
As if we should be able to reason our way out of feeling like shit. Taking a step back rather than pushing through would be an irresponsible, self-indulgent choice, right? I mean we have responsibilities for Pete’s sake. We should get over ourselves already and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
FYI, that phrase — pulling yourself up by your bootstraps — used to mean physically impossible. It's only with time and linguistic changes that it's come to epitomize stubborn self-reliance. That's right, folks: we took a phrase that meant literally impossible to accomplish and turned it into a guilt trip.
So today I just wanted to let you know that pulling yourself up by your bootstraps isn't an actual thing you can do. Feeling overwhelmed isn't a choice. And self-care isn’t self-indulgent; it’s a necessity.
Stepparenting can really crush our mental health. On the upside, becoming a stepmom is what taught me that I had to make caring for myself a priority… even if I did have to learn that lesson the hard way.
If you’re not sure where to start with self-care (I sure wasn’t), here’s the easiest answer: look for whatever feels good and just… do that more.
For me this week, that was making a big ol’ bowl of popcorn and getting serious about finishing my rewatch of The Bear before the next season comes out. For you, maybe self-care means going camping or hitting the gym or booking a massage. The specifics don’t matter. What matters is that you prioritize your own emotional health and well-being over whatever it is you think your stepfam needs from you. Not just this week, but as a consistent practice.
All those overused platitudes about not being able to pour from an empty cup? My friend, they are 100% accurate.
Make time to fill your cup this week.
🧡🧡
— Maarit.
PS - Got some can’t-fail stepparenting self-care tips? Drop ‘em in the comments! xo