The time, energy, and effort you pour into the relationship with your stepkid might not be reciprocated. At least, not yet. Then again, possibly not ever. Or else maybe it'll come back to you and then some! 🤷🏻♀️
The point is, you JUST NEVER KNOW which way it's gonna go with your stepkid. And that goes double or triple in high conflict, because children of emotionally disordered parents are living in trauma, and that changes everything you thought you knew about connecting with a kid.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try at all or that your efforts are pointless. It's just super important to be realistic along the way. Sometimes going above & beyond to win your stepkids over can have the opposite effect of driving them away. And if that happens, the answer isn't to try harder — it's to give them space and let them come around in their own time, while also accepting that they may NOT come around. For a while anyway.
So much about stepparenthood can feel like a guessing game in uncertainty, so if you wish you had more support and could connect with other stepparents who get it, we would love for you to join our support community here on Substack.
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