17 Coping Tips for Managing Overwhelming Stepparenting Emotions

A guide to help when all these strong stepparenting emotions feel too heavy to carry alone. xo

WELCOME! & HOW THIS GUIDE WORKS

I used to think I was the only stepparent who struggled in this role. Which also made me feel like the worst human ever.

But after many years of talking to thousands of stepparents, turns out it's super normal for stepparenting to be harder than you expected. In fact, the more stepparents I talk to, the more I believe that the folks who find this role easy are in the minority.

The stress associated with becoming a stepparent is more intense than any other stress I've experienced — and that's saying something, coming from a former single mom with a history of anxiety/depression.

Stepparenting stress is a deeper, more emotional gut punch that's harder to process somehow. I spent a lot of time crying, trying, failing, trying again, failing, fuming, and yet more trying. And crying. Soooo much crying.

You'd think with all those emotions swirling around, I would've had a lightbulb moment like "Oh hey! I don't think I'm handling this so hot. I'm gonna go get me some awesome coping mechanisms!" But that never happened. My anxiety got so bad that at one point I was very nearly housebound. Only then did I get serious about carving out space for my own self-care and prioritizing my own emotional health.

This list of coping tips for emotional overwhelm includes many of the practices I used myself to get my head above water again. Other tips come from the thousands of stepparents I've talked to over the years. Some tips lend themselves better to a certain scenario than others— find what works for you and ignore the rest!

I’ve divided this guide into two sections: first, a mini guide looking at the 7 emotions that tend to be the biggest culprits for stepparents; and next, 17 coping tips that can help you navigate those emotions.

Ready?

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A MINI GUIDE TO STRONG STEPPARENTING EMOTIONS

😡 ANGER

Anger is often a secondary emotion, which means that it's sparking up in response to (or to protect us from) a primary emotion that's hiding underneath.

An example of this would be a parent yelling at a kid who almost walked in front of a car — you're not mad at them; you're scared for them!

Actually that's a pretty good analogy for a lot of the anger we can feel as stepparents. We see our partner or our stepkids making decisions that could put them directly into harm's way, and we're scared for them. Sometimes it's easier to feel anger than it is to feel fear. Or sadness. Or vulnerability.

Anger dissipates once you can figure out the reasons behind your anger — that is, once you can identify, experience, and process the emotions your anger is masking. (Although sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. I mean, some of the shit we see on the daily.... who wouldn't be angry??)

💟 FOR ANGER TRY:

4: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

16: TAKE A STEP BACK

17: TREAT YO’SELF

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