High conflict parenting plan checklist

49 points (+8 bonus pro tips!) across 7 categories to keep in mind as you're drafting or updating your parenting plan.

So much of the drama that comes with high-conflict co-parenting can be avoided by including the right points in your parenting plan. A custody order that’s vague, generic, doesn’t account for the future, or that depends on the cooperation and goodwill of a high-conflict co-parent sets you up for failure.

So what should be included in your parenting plan?

Answer: as much detail as humanly possible.

The whole idea of a parenting plan is to reduce disagreement between co-parents—and this means removing as many potential opportunities for willful misinterpretation as you can. A high-conflict co-parent will ALWAYS choose the interpretation that aligns with their personal agenda, so you want to avoid grey areas like the plague.

To do this, get extremely detailed and specific with your parenting plan language:

• Example of vague parenting plan language: Custody exchange will take place every other Friday after school.

• Example of specific parenting plan language: Custody exchange will take place at 3:30 pm in the school parking lot on the 2nd, 4th and 5th Fridays, unless that Friday marks the beginning of a school break, in which case the holiday parenting schedule schedule applies. When there is no school, exchanges will take place at X o'clock at X location.

In addition to visitation schedules, a good custody order should also cover communication (between co-parents AND between parent and Kiddo), finances (including future financial scenarios, like college), and travel guidelines, among other things.

This checklist includes 49 points across 7 categories to think about as you're drafting (or updating) your parenting plan:

• GENERAL

• COMMUNICATION

• CUSTODY & VISITATION

• EDUCATION

• MEDICAL

• FINANCES

• TRAVEL/MOVING

Each of these is an area where conflict comes up again and again for folks, which makes each point a potential place you can reduce the chance for disagreement.

Although really, if you're co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, practically EVERY interaction carries the potential for conflict; even the most comprehensive parenting plan can't change someone's personality. You'll need to find the balance that's right for you — a level of specificity that's enough to give you peace of mind vs. including sooo many details that you practically need to live in your paperwork full-time, constantly double-checking every single little thing.

Not every one of these points will apply to your situation, so feel free to take what works and ignore what doesn't. Only you can determine the right combination of clauses and guidelines that add up to the lowest stress for you and your family.

Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, this does not constitute legal advice, and you should definitely have legal counsel advise you on all legal matters! Also these points are based on the U.S. court system. Custody laws and parenting rights can vary widely from state to state and country to country. Always educate yourself on your legal parenting rights according to your area.