😴 It's okay to take a break

I promise your family will not fall apart if you take a day or two off.

I’ve been spending too much time at my computer lately, a surefire recipe for a bunch of neck & shoulder pain. I’m trying to get better about not pushing my body through physical pain and instead making time to rest.

So I attempted that. I put on comfy pants, slathered my shoulder up with tiger balm, and started S3 of The Bear.

The entire time I sat there all grouchy, thinking, "This really isn't helping anything. My neck still hurts like hell. I'm going to be so pissed at myself tomorrow that I took today off. There's no way sitting around all day is going to leave me feeling good in any way tomorrow. No. Way."

And yet the next morning, I indeed woke up to less pain. Yoga stretches that did nothing the day before actually helped this time. By noon my shoulder felt completely normal again. And all day long, my brain buzzed with new ideas, as lit up and inspired as if I'd spent the previous day at some mastermind retreat instead of mindlessly staring at the TV.

Pain combined with grouchy futility and the feeling of hiding from the world reminded me a lot of my darkest stepmom years — so many evenings where I shut myself into our bedroom right after dinner and stayed there pretty much till the kids went to bed. The "family" outings I skipped and sent Dan on by himself with the kids. The school functions I didn't attend. The life I largely checked out of.

At the time, I felt guilty. Also lonely, but mostly guilty. I told myself it was easier this way — SD didn't want me around. I was the reason she didn't want to come to our house and I couldn't live with the idea that I might cost Dan his only daughter. So I did my best to erase myself from her life.