🌼 Gratitude in April: Day 24
Thankful for new perspectives
It's easy to get caught up in if/then thinking — like if I think stepparenting is hard, then I'm a bad stepparent. Or if I mess this up, then we’ll never feel like a real family.
But the truth is, stepparenting is not if/then. And it's not either/or: it's both/and. Becoming a stepparent can be both tough AND rewarding. Stepfamily life will challenge you AND change you in positive ways you never expected.
There can be something really magical about shifting our thinking from black/white and yes/no to "Actually… maybe it’s both.”
Contradictions can co-exist. You can simultaneously dread AND look forward to family time together. You can feel fully committed to doing right by your stepkids AND dislike being a stepparent. You can care about your partner/stepkids AND wish for a simpler life.
I wish Dan & I could've just had a regular ol' boring traditional first family together, and I also love our non-boring non-traditional family. I wish I didn't know a damn thing about any of this shit, and I'm also passionate about doing this work and supporting other stepparents. I sometimes still feel resentful that I had to evolve so much just to survive all this... and also I'm thankful for the necessary perspective shifts that allowed me to survive at all.
TODAY'S PROMPT:
On your gratitude list today, include an example of something that also has a downside. And write it down just like that, including both aspects (but be sure to end with gratitude!): "I don't wanna go back to work on Monday and I'm glad I had a great weekend." Or — "I can't stand how complicated stepfamily life is and I also deeply love my partner and this future we're trying to build together.”